Through good communication you can assist people to keep their life on track. Through skillful communication you can assist them to build a better life.

No matter where you sit in your organisation you are a leader to someone. And skillful communication is imperative in that role. Before you can communicate your vision to those around you, however, you must first face the challenge of understanding your people; and this requires listening because contrary to what some may think skillful communication begins with listening.

Many leaders hear, but they don’t listen.

Actively listening, as the term suggests, involves great participation on the part of the receiver of the information. Unless you have the right approach to the activity, easier said than done.. Here’s seven approaches to get you started…

Empathy

In any communication process, empathy should be your staring point. There has been much written on the subject of empathy but perhaps the American Indians said best “To know a man you must first walk in their moccasins for two moons or more”. In short, you must see, hear and feel the discussion from the others point of view, from within their skin.

Rapport

Rapport is a critical element in the communication process. Rapport sends a message to the sender that ‘hey, I’m like you, we can be open here’. Research as well as intuition informs us that people communicate best with those they *perceive* as being like them. Rapport is communicating on the same wave length.

Feedback

Providing feedback ensures that what you are hearing is the message they are sending. In demonstrates your willingness to be part of their message, and assist them to formulate their ideas into meaningful dialogue.

Focus

Giving your full attention to the speaker encourages openness and draw out the real point of the transaction. Important elements which may underpin the communication process, such as feelings, doubt and fear are more easily uncovered by the focused listener.

Restraint

Effective listeners realise that whilst they are speaking they are not listening. Seemingly obvious? Yes, but critical in your bag of listening tools is dimply resisting the temptation  to talk more than you listen. Even short silence can be effective in really understanding the other person, as often they need time to gather their thoughts.

Support

Providing support and reassuring people that what they say is alright and without judgment. The listener needs to be non-judgmental in order to make the other feel accepted and willing to open up. This does not mean you have to agree with them, but it does mean respecting their point of view and understanding why they see it the way they do.

Questions

On of the most powerful tools in any communications armory is the ability to ask pertinent questions. Questions draw out the real meaning behind any communication interaction. The key to asking effective questions is to find a balance; that is unobtrusive yet probing, showing interest and concern, inquisitive not interrogation. Good questions are often, but not exclusively, open ended, encouraging and inviting the speaker to tell you more.

Being an effective listener is a crucial leadership skill. It paves the way for opportunities and seeks out win/win outcomes. Effective listening is a necessary skill for anyone aspiring to be a better leader. These people are respected, appreciated and - as is the wish of any leader - followed.

Fast is the new slow. We wait 30 seconds in a drive-through for instant coffee and berate the tardy service. We press ‘express’ on the microwave and 14 seconds later curse the slowness of the technology. We careen through the air at over 700 kilometres an hour but bemoan the time taken. Evidently, many of us are time-poor. And this comes with a cost. The casualties in this rapid and rabid paced environment are all too often our relationships. In this new, nano-paced, I-want-it-now world, the ‘speed of trust’ has become intensely important. So how do you build swift trust? Prominent consultant Charles Green argues there are four essential elements; credibility (what you consistently say and have said about you), reliability (what you consistently do), intimacy (how you consistently make others feel) and what he calls self-orientation (who you are consistently thinking of). Interestingly, he suggests that only one element requires an extended timeframe; reliability.

I contend that relationships, influence and trust are critical to ‘difference making’. My question then, I’m curious, what do you do to build trust?

“If only I had someone to talk to about this”. How often have you thought those words? Well, there is a solution; draw on the power of a peer advisory group. Peer advisory groups are not a new phenomenon, indeed they have been around as long as people have needed to share ideas, find solutions and rise above everyday business challenges. For the process to work, however, it needs to be built on a solid foundation. Imagine a three sided pyramid; at the base you have the corner stones. These must be laid with precision and care if they are to successfully support a successful structure. The three corner stones represent Confidentiality, Commitment and Contribution. The result is the foundation for an exciting new model in peer advisory groups – The Emerson Project.

“Business leaders in peer advisory groups enjoy idea generation and support while they seek solutions to significant business challenges in a confidential setting”

In investigating successful businesses and organizations we find a common denominator; that is, the business leaders of such groups take advantage of counsel from professional advisors to inform and assist in significant business decisions. And in specialist areas this is a prudent practice. However, beyond the engagement of accountants, lawyers and other professionals, there is a dearth of quality advice. This is where a powerful peer advisory group plays a significant role.

A well thought-out peer advisory group encourages its members to connect, discuss and engage with both broader and personal problems at a meaningful level beyond what other people, who are not in decision making roles, may be able to. It is at this meeting of minds that members can be acknowledged, challenged, confided in and enriched to go beyond the superficiality of most everyday conversations/meetings.

The reality is, people who are members of peer advisory groups learn faster, more effectively and more thoroughly from, and in the company, of like-minded individuals. This kind of collaborative learning elicits a deeper and profound shift in thinking.

Wherever you find yourself, whatever level you may be at, you would find enormous benefit in being part of a peer advisory group. Our advice is to seek one out, in doing so you can expand your mind, elevate your business and enrich your life.

Does this describe you? If so, think for a minute how much more expanded your mind would be, how much more elevated your business would be and how much more enriched your life would be if you only did the things that contributed in these three areas. Are you implementing low-level operational pursuits at the cost of the high leverage strategy?

The adage “don’t sweat the small stuff” comes to mind. The real value in making your life ‘burn’ with enrichment is in the stuff you do well and gives you the greatest return on your efforts. Chances are, that’s not photocopying your strategy documents!

When you’re ready to begin working ‘on’ your business and your life then check out The Emerson Project www.emersonproject.com.au … a project committed to exactly that.

You can start the day late. Sleep in to the last minute. Be woken with the abrupt sound of a ringing alarm. Snatch a coffee and a smoke and run for the door cursing the day.

OR

Start the day early. Catch a sunrise and stand in awe, go for a walk, celebrate and honour the freshness of a new dawning day; a new start.

Then…

Expect the worst. Drive hurriedly to work imagining the pile on your desk and the grumpy people you work with. Cuss the moronic drivers and run the lights to get the closest car park.

OR

Expect the best. Have praise and gratitude for your heart and your mind. Rejoice in the splendour of your senses; the breeze on your face, the scent of a freshly mowed grass, the glow of a new day dawning, the chirping of birds. Enjoy and revel in it all! Experience it all as if for the first time.

Then…

Eat junk. Grab a Coke and a chocolate bar from the vending machine. Sit at your desk and suck on lollies from your top draw.

OR

Breakfast well. Take time to enjoy it. Make yourself a freshly squeezed orange juice or a banana smoothie. Carefully prepare a fruit salad and yoghurt breakfast. Sit in gratitude of each mouthful.

Then….

Slump. Slump at your desk, arch your back and let your head droop.

OR

Take a little exercise. Stretch, go for a walk, ride a bike, feel the blood course through your veins. Practice some yoga and meditate for awhile.

Then…

Get the daily news. Read the headlines of tragedy, misfortune and war. Feel a sense of hopelessness and dread. Worry about the past, the present and the future.

OR

Read the good stuff. Not the papers; “If it bleeds, it leads”. The inspirational and wonderful stuff is in the books and notes from loved ones. Savour the words.

Then…

Ignore people. Shrug an acknowledgement at your family and co-workers. Grunt a few orders to your kids “Clean your room before I get in”. Tell your co-workers and friends you’re too busy, too tired, and too stressed.

OR

Greet them well. Wake your loved ones with a smile, but before you do stand and look at their faces. Feel the love you have for them and let them know it too. Let them greet the day with enthusiasm and splendour. Be kind to others no matter their disposition.

Then…

When asked ‘How are you?’ respond with negative comments – ‘I’ve been better’ ‘Glad when today’ over ‘Bloody Monday… again!’

OR

When asked ‘How are you?’ reply with a optimism and joy ‘Fantastic!’ ‘Never been better’ ‘Ten out of ten… and rising!’

Then…

Do the same thing. Regardless of the results, do the same things, bemoan the outcome, whinge about the results and complain about anything, but doggedly do the same thing anyway.

OR

Try something new. Sit with someone different at lunch. Travel a different route brush your teeth with your other hand. Go on, take a chance, take a risk and let yourself be fascinated by the everyday and the commonplace.

Then…

Wallow in chaos. Spend hours looking for the same report, try pen after pen that doesn’t work, pull that shirt from your overcrowded wardrobe and lament the clutter in your life.

OR

Clear away the clutter. Throw out that old suit. Empty the draw of those dozens of pens. Give away those magazines. Put clarity and freshness back into your day.

Then…

Kill time. Collapse in front of the ‘box’. Beer in one hand, remote in the other. Stay there until you fall unconscious in a stupor or apathy and dullness.

OR

Talk. Enjoy once again that lost art of conversation. Switch off the television. Face your loved ones and ask them how their day went and then listen, really listen. Tell them about your dreams and aspirations.

Then at the end of the day….

Forget it all. Wipe the day from your memory. Forget people’s names, what important to them, their dreams and their aspirations. Focus on failures, flops and a fear of what tomorrow may bring.

OR

Record it. Keep note of your day. The wins, the laughter and the challenges. Reflect on the positive things that happened that day in such a way that your journal becomes one of your most wondrous legacies and joy to read.

Then…

Crawl into bed and dread the thought of doing the whole thing again. Rue the day and all that is in it.

OR

Review and reward. End the day with a win. Kiss that face you stared at this morning, tell them you love them and hug them too. Be proud of them and yourself. Pause and review the day and look forward to the next one with great anticipation and joy. This is how a great life is built.

At the end of the day, and all through it for that matter, the choice is yours and yours alone. String enough of either day together and you have either a life that was led as a warning or a life of inspiration and joy. The choice is yours. Which will you choose?

Beware of your language… always sage advice. Fact is, there are good and bad ways of saying the same thing. ‘I expect more from you’ is better than ‘you’ve stuffed up again’ in essence they are the same thing, one motivates, the other derides.

Don’t set the bar for people let them set the bar for themselves, often they will surprise you and themselves. If we set it we risk placing it too high or too low.

Find someone better than you to take over your role. Another way of saying this is develop leadership qualities in others and then give them the reigns. Do this in such a way they don’t even realise they are being groomed for the role. For them it should be fun a ‘head fake’ what Glenn Capelli would call ‘hard fun’

Randy talked about the metaphor of ‘cirque du soleil’ I took this to mean that we should strive to be so good that to the observer it looks effortless yet it is really supported by years of dedication and discipline.

We should listen to feedback was another of his comments, to my way of thinking I think this needs qualification; that is, I think we should only listen to feedback that we value. What I mean by that is, there are teems of people only to happy to give you ‘feedback’ on a myriad of topics to which they have no expertise, nothing of value and no right to be giving. Ignore them. Accept feedback that you have solicited, that you value and you will act upon. That feedback is worthwhile.

More pithy ideas:

Respect authority but always be prepared to question it.

Never lose the child-like wonder and love of curiosity what Glenn calls ‘Neoteny’

Learn to help others

Remember loyalty is a two way street

Never give up

Believe in Karma that is; what you give you get

Tell the truth, be earnest, learn to apologise for your mistakes, and focus on others

When you do the right thing good stuff has a way of happening

Don’t complain; just work harder

Show gratitude

Be good at something; it makes you valuable

Be prepared; luck is where opportunity meets preparedness

It’s not really about how to achieve your dreams; it’s about how to live your life

The challenge though is they are often well protected, well hidden and damn near impossible to track. This is why hunting for sophisticated buyers is an art form tantamount to tracking the proverbial white elephant. When you find one however, it can become extremely worth while.

Out of the jungle and into your client base

Some statements seem so obvious as to be what I call a BFBO a ‘blinding flash of the bleeding obvious’ and this statement ranks up with them – before you can find ‘em you gotta know what they look like. Begs the question; ‘how then do you recognise ‘em?’

Here’s a few pointers to watch for:

Economic buyers are not obsequious; they rarely have to clear their decisions with someone else; they take personal responsibility for the decisions, they rarely take notes in a meeting to have their decisions ratified; they concern themselves with outcomes not ‘inputs’; cost is secondary to ROI; if they want it to happen they make it happen; they focus repute, return and company reward.

In front of your target

Okay, you have them in your cross hairs but move carefully; you’ve generally only got one shot. Economic buyers are by definition interested in economics and very much opposed to having their time wasted. Some key things to remember:

First and foremost treat them like a peer. Push back if need be, ask for evidence. Match them with intellect, dress and language.

Once you’ve found your economic buyer, wooed them and won the contract don’t mount your buyer on a wall, but do treat them with reverence, respect and a willingness to fulfil your side of the contract with passion and vivacious intent. You’ll both be glad you did.

“Problem with a senior executive?” Take it to the forum. “Wondering whether to merge or go ahead with that acquisition?” Take it to the forum. “Have a challenge with your teenage daughter?” Take it to the forum. In a relatively short time my forum meeting become the most vital and most looked forward to time of the month. A moment where I could reflect, contribute and feel part of a group of individuals that cared about my business, my personal life and me. And I cared about their’s too.

Being part of a peer advisory group is nothing new; people throughout the ages have recognised the supportive power of peers. It has been said if you want to see what your net-worth is going to be take a look around at the people you associate with. Is there a group of people around you that can:

Be a confidant

Be trusted with your business secrets

offer sound advice from an experiential knowledge base

contribute meaningfully to your business

challenge you

intellectually stimulate you

assist you with your goals

hold you accountable

be there for you when you need them

A powerful peer advisory group can do all this and more. Being part of a forum has been the most important aspect of my ongoing business and personal development. So much so that I want others to experience its leveraging power. Along with a friend and colleague we are launching The Emerson Project; A project that encompasses all the promise of a peer advisory forum and more. My partner Steve Mitchinson and I recognised that there were elements something missing, elements that could make the group even more powerful. Together we’ve designed a project where you have the power of the group and the support of one of us to accelerate your growth to the next level and then ensure its sustainability. We’ve added a mentoring component and an educational component where we bring some of the leading experts in areas of interest to the members. This is destined to become an incredible model for individuals seeking significant development. The journey is about to begin. If you think this is something you are interested call me personally and we’ll discuss the opportunity.