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Through good communication you can assist people to keep their life on track. Through skillful communication you can assist them to build a better life.

No matter where you sit in your organisation you are a leader to someone. And skillful communication is imperative in that role. Before you can communicate your vision to those around you, however, you must first face the challenge of understanding your people; and this requires listening because contrary to what some may think skillful communication begins with listening.

Many leaders hear, but they don’t listen.

Actively listening, as the term suggests, involves great participation on the part of the receiver of the information. Unless you have the right approach to the activity, easier said than done.. Here’s seven approaches to get you started…

Empathy

In any communication process, empathy should be your staring point. There has been much written on the subject of empathy but perhaps the American Indians said best “To know a man you must first walk in their moccasins for two moons or more”. In short, you must see, hear and feel the discussion from the others point of view, from within their skin.

Rapport

Rapport is a critical element in the communication process. Rapport sends a message to the sender that ‘hey, I’m like you, we can be open here’. Research as well as intuition informs us that people communicate best with those they *perceive* as being like them. Rapport is communicating on the same wave length.

Feedback

Providing feedback ensures that what you are hearing is the message they are sending. In demonstrates your willingness to be part of their message, and assist them to formulate their ideas into meaningful dialogue.

Focus

Giving your full attention to the speaker encourages openness and draw out the real point of the transaction. Important elements which may underpin the communication process, such as feelings, doubt and fear are more easily uncovered by the focused listener.

Restraint

Effective listeners realise that whilst they are speaking they are not listening. Seemingly obvious? Yes, but critical in your bag of listening tools is dimply resisting the temptation  to talk more than you listen. Even short silence can be effective in really understanding the other person, as often they need time to gather their thoughts.

Support

Providing support and reassuring people that what they say is alright and without judgment. The listener needs to be non-judgmental in order to make the other feel accepted and willing to open up. This does not mean you have to agree with them, but it does mean respecting their point of view and understanding why they see it the way they do.

Questions

On of the most powerful tools in any communications armory is the ability to ask pertinent questions. Questions draw out the real meaning behind any communication interaction. The key to asking effective questions is to find a balance; that is unobtrusive yet probing, showing interest and concern, inquisitive not interrogation. Good questions are often, but not exclusively, open ended, encouraging and inviting the speaker to tell you more.

Being an effective listener is a crucial leadership skill. It paves the way for opportunities and seeks out win/win outcomes. Effective listening is a necessary skill for anyone aspiring to be a better leader. These people are respected, appreciated and - as is the wish of any leader - followed.

Content provided by The Emerson Project  www.emersonproject.com.au 

“If only I had someone to talk to about this”. How often have you thought those words? Well, there is a solution; draw on the power of a peer advisory group. Peer advisory groups are not a new phenomenon, indeed they have been around as long as people have needed to share ideas, find solutions and rise above everyday business challenges. For the process to work, however, it needs to be built on a solid foundation. Imagine a three sided pyramid; at the base you have the corner stones. These must be laid with precision and care if they are to successfully support a successful structure. The three corner stones represent Confidentiality, Commitment and Contribution. The result is the foundation for an exciting new model in peer advisory groups – The Emerson Project.

“Business leaders in peer advisory groups enjoy idea generation and support while they seek solutions to significant business challenges in a confidential setting”

In investigating successful businesses and organizations we find a common denominator; that is, the business leaders of such groups take advantage of counsel from professional advisors to inform and assist in significant business decisions. And in specialist areas this is a prudent practice. However, beyond the engagement of accountants, lawyers and other professionals, there is a dearth of quality advice. This is where a powerful peer advisory group plays a significant role.

A well thought-out peer advisory group encourages its members to connect, discuss and engage with both broader and personal problems at a meaningful level beyond what other people, who are not in decision making roles, may be able to. It is at this meeting of minds that members can be acknowledged, challenged, confided in and enriched to go beyond the superficiality of most everyday conversations/meetings.

The reality is, people who are members of peer advisory groups learn faster, more effectively and more thoroughly from, and in the company, of like-minded individuals. This kind of collaborative learning elicits a deeper and profound shift in thinking.

Wherever you find yourself, whatever level you may be at, you would find enormous benefit in being part of a peer advisory group. Our advice is to seek one out, in doing so you can expand your mind, elevate your business and enrich your life.

I thought it would be easy. After all, I had a multiple degrees from a reputable university, I had a passion for growing my business and I was a damn fine consultant (at least that what my clients keep telling me). Yet the reality is being an entrepreneur can be pretty lonely, even when you have staff and personal assistants for all intents and purposes you are on your own. As your business grows there is an ever increasing barrage of challenges that present themselves and unlike a multi-national firm there is no board of directors to turn to. Then I discovered a peer advisory forum and what an incredible difference that made. At first all the members were just feeling their way; getting to know each other and testing the amount of trust in the group and each other. However, once established the discussions become more open and the value from these grew.

“Problem with a senior executive?” Take it to the forum. “Wondering whether to merge or go ahead with that acquisition?” Take it to the forum. “Have a challenge with your teenage daughter?” Take it to the forum. In a relatively short time my forum meeting become the most vital and most looked forward to time of the month. A moment where I could reflect, contribute and feel part of a group of individuals that cared about my business, my personal life and me. And I cared about their’s too.

Being part of a peer advisory group is nothing new; people throughout the ages have recognised the supportive power of peers. It has been said if you want to see what your net-worth is going to be take a look around at the people you associate with. Is there a group of people around you that can:

Be a confidant

Be trusted with your business secrets

offer sound advice from an experiential knowledge base

contribute meaningfully to your business

challenge you

intellectually stimulate you

assist you with your goals

hold you accountable

be there for you when you need them

A powerful peer advisory group can do all this and more. Being part of a forum has been the most important aspect of my ongoing business and personal development. So much so that I want others to experience its leveraging power. Along with a friend and colleague we are launching The Emerson Project; A project that encompasses all the promise of a peer advisory forum and more. My partner Steve Mitchinson and I recognised that there were elements something missing, elements that could make the group even more powerful. Together we’ve designed a project where you have the power of the group and the support of one of us to accelerate your growth to the next level and then ensure its sustainability. We’ve added a mentoring component and an educational component where we bring some of the leading experts in areas of interest to the members. This is destined to become an incredible model for individuals seeking significant development. The journey is about to begin. If you think this is something you are interested call me personally and we’ll discuss the opportunity.

I hate noise. When I’m working I need to focus on exactly that one thing and any other noise becomes a huge distraction. My wife, Heather, on the other hand can listen to the radio, watch TV, read a book and still hold a conversation on the phone! It blows me away. The reality, however, is that white noise IS a distraction for everyone, even Heather. The trouble with ‘noise’ is that it serves no real purpose, except to draw us away from our core business. If we think of this in terms of leadership an analogous situation is our vision. Things in our periphery, now matter how attractive, must not keep us from that core vision; we must stay focused. How do we do this, the answer is as simple to state as it is difficult to implement. Get rid of the noise. I’ve been giving this some thought and it occurs to me that we can divide any given task, business or leadership activity into four segments; core business (stuff that is directly related to achieving our vision) supporting stuff (those things that need to be done to that underpin the core business) peripheral activity (the bits that could make a difference but also could do with refinement) and lastly and least importantly; noise or what I call ‘white noise’. That is, that constant buzzing, non-descriptor,  incessant blah in the background. Unfortunately, in many areas ‘white noise’ gets the largest chunk of our attention. So how do we eliminate or at the very least reduce the white noise? The first step is to understand and recognise the white noise in your life. Take stock. Secondly, devise a plan to reduce it. Strategise. And thirdly implement the plan. Take action. More could, and will, be said about this but for now, start looking, listening and feeling the white noise in your life. You might be surprised at just how much there is!

Failure is a curious thing and like many curious things it is often approached with caution. I say curious because it is so subjective, tantamount to someone’s perspective of a movie. Some movies fail, some succeed but most movies fail and succeed! For evidence look no further than the latest review of any movie and what you’ll find is a continuum of caustic criticism to euphoric delight. What one critic sees a dismal failing in the movie the next sees as a triumphant success. Similarly, our feedback to subordinates can always potentially range from abysmal to the superfluous. One leader recognises the effort and praises accordingly, while the next expresses huge displeasure. This, of course, is the human condition; varied, fickle and diverse. This is human nature on show for all to see. I’m not suggesting we ‘embelish’ the truth the way we see it, merely that we make an effort to focus more on people’s strengths and use this as a launching pad to go to the next level. I am questioning our logic in pointing out someone’s failings to motivate them to succeed. Wherever did we get the notion that to make someone succeed, to do better, we should berate them and make them feel bad? Feeling bad, feeling like a failure is a learned response. That is, we are not born with it. In fact optimism and a willingness to try our best is inert. Studies have shown that it is almost impossible to discourage very young children for they all know they are ‘great singers’ ‘terrific musicians’ ‘creative painters’ and ‘amazing dancers’. It is leaders that crush this and so all of us have a responsibility to lean towards success.

Leadership is a delicate balancing act. Human behaviour is complex. Put these two concepts together and no wonder we sometimes get stumped when it comes to motivating people. The reality is under ideal circumstances the human being will do… well, she’ll do any damn thing she pleases! That being said we are able to make some predictions based on experience, empirical knowledge and extrapolations from careful research. Most of us in leadership positions know that in very broad brush strokes there are two kinds of motivation; intrinsic, or internal reward or extrinsic or external reward (even if its to avoid punishment). What is less well known is the balancing act between these two motivations. As I said human behaviour is complex. Accordingly most human behaviour is a combination of these two elements, where the leader gets in trouble is when they mix them up. All the evidence points to the fact people can be motivated (and enjoy the experience) both intrinsically and extrinsically. However, and here’s the rub, if someone is doing something for intrinsic reasons eg; their job and of course they are being renumerated accordingly all is well, but take some of those external benefits away, whatever they may be (camaraderie, accolades, acknowledgement) and you will run into serious trouble. A celebrated study where researchers trained monkeys to perform a series of tasks, just for the sake of it, demonstrated how quickly they took to this. The same monkeys were then rewarded (with food) for doing the activity and quickly tired of the ‘game’. And when the external reward was taken away, they became frustrated even showing aggressive tendencies. Now I know you don’t have monkeys working for you (at least I hope not) and you don’t reward them with bananas (although you could) the reality is you must be very mindful of the extrinsic rewards they receive from their job and be very careful not to erode these. The last thing you want is a bunch of aggressive monkeys on your case!

Leadership. An intriguing subject that seems to escape any quantifiable, qualitative definition. And yet it is a concept that in some way touches all of our lives. Therein lies a clue. In my seminars I often ask people to think of leaders that have been inspirational, influential or in some way has touched their lives. Some predictable names appear with regularity; Gandhi, Mandela, JFK and other well known leaders, but when asked who has really had the greatest impact the names that are written down for the most part few would know. They are mum’s, dad’s, brothers, sisters, friends, work mates, bosses and other personal connections. We all have the potential to be leaders. The real question is not are you a leader, but rather what kind of leader are you. Do you live your life in such a way that people would cite you as a leader in their life? If you do that is all the credibility you need!

Working independently can create many challenges. Not least of which is the many thoughts that go through your mind on a daily basis. Unlike an employee, one’s discretionary time is almost infinite and so what to do with all that time and all those thoughts? At last there is an answer. Blog! You see, as a sole author, a co-author and a contributing author its not that I have nothing to say, it’s just that anything said needs to have focus. I guess the challenge is that I have too many things that interest me, fortunately they can all be subsumed under the rubric of ‘leadership’ but none-the-less this is an extremely broad topic. I’ve been working to simplify it. To form a clear, concise and comprehensible model. It is my intention that as this develops I’ll unfold it here. So what is leadership? At first what seems a simple enough question. Rarely, however, does a simple answer come to mind. Sure, we know when we see it, but when we try to describe it, it is as if it slips easily between our intellectual grasp. I’ve given this lots of thought. I think leadership is first foremost indeed in its entirety - influence. What’s more this influence may be segmented into three parts. 1. Influencing self 2. Influencing others and 3. Influencing the environment. Imagine these three circle intersecting in a Venn diagram. If you were to take your mental cursor you could double click into anyone of these areas and go deeper. For instance, in the ‘influence self’ circle you’d find headings for ‘vision’, ‘goals’ ’strengths’ etc, in the ‘influencing others’ circle you’d find things like ‘values’ ‘relationship’ ‘team’ etc and in the ‘influencing environment’ circle you’d find ‘community’ ‘culture’ and ‘connections’.  In turn anyone of these headings could be further explored in a cascading fashion. In future blogs I’ll explore these areas and go deeper, for now, just consider the three main circles of influence; that is, self, others and environment. How much influence do you have in each of these areas?